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It can be tempting to tell your girls everything. Our group chats stay lit with the latest entertainment and personal gossip, and sometimes, very juicy details about our relationships may get leaked into the discussion.
Spilling some tea in order to get some advice from your friends is okay for the most part, but if you find yourself constantly venting about your man and his bad behavior, the issues in your relationship may be larger than you think.
“It may be a sign you’re not ultimately compatible,” Tammy Shaklee, leading LGBTQ matchmaker and president of H4M Matchmaking, told Bustle, “Life will throw a lot at you, so you better figure out your communication styles, behaviors, needs, and timing, so that you can handle topics large and small together. If you can’t help but poll your parent, sibling, or BFF, you might not be nurturing the real relationship that means the most — the relationship with your partner.”
According to experts, there are a couple of topics that should remain off-limits when chatting with your friends. One is finances, which is a sensitive spot for many men.
“Time spent airing your financial frustrations with outside sources doesn’t help you get ahead, but a mutually transparent prioritization with your partner can,” Shaklee said.
And while you’re keeping financial intimacy under wraps, keep details about bedroom intimacy quiet too (that includes penis size and how good or bad he is).
“While it’s great to see a couple that clearly adores one another, it’s probably best to keep intimate details private,” Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist specializing in couple and relationship therapy, told Bustle. “This doesn’t necessarily just mean details of your physical intimacy.”
Not every fight should be shared with your girls either–especially if you and your mate tend to argue about the same thing over and over again.
“While it may seem like a good idea to run to your friends every time you have a disagreement or fight with your partner, this may not be good for relationships in the long haul,” Dr. Catherine Jackson, licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships and board certified neurotherapist, told Bustle.
And always keep in mind, in healthy relationships, your partner is your best friend too. The same way you would keep her secrets, you want to keep his deepest insecurities away from the spotlight.
“I would guide anyone to just use the golden rule here,” Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, a psychologist who specializes in relationships and founder of Hello Goodlife, told Bustle. “What are the things that would really upset you if you found out your partner was discussing them with others? That can provide you with the perspective you may need.”